Familial Research and Development

Pain and joy seem to have a very deep connection. Sometimes within one life and sometimes bridging more than one life. Within one life would be a mother and her child. Painful during pregnancy, childbirth and sometimes through the growing years and yet also so much joy! Bridging more than one life... That is what I'm pondering now. I have been pondering this ever since my youngest child achieved/earned his Eagle scout award. As I recall the challenge was from the Bishop. Whoever earned theirs first would be taken to Ruby River for a steak dinner. The Bishop's son was one of those young scouts. My husband was not the Bishop. My son was the first of that group and received the steak dinner. So much joy and righteous pride and yet... The Bishop's son seemed to become less and less active in church. It's been about a decade that I've watched and caught glimpses here and there and what I am seeing feels... painful. The Bishop's son was in my Ethics & Values class

That's what he said. He was pacing. Rambling. Thinking out loud. Reaching. Reaching for help, for understanding. He was at a transitional point and knew it. He also knew that right there was something/someone/some understanding just beyond his reach which could help him be less messy. Well, that's what he said, 'I'm a mess'. We are what we are. This is stage one. Or are we? Then he went on with a list of labels... bipolar manic depressive (that one he fumbled around with) ADD/ADHD OCD This is stage two-finding our labels. Some people use labels to hide behind. It becomes their excuse to accept themselves as they are (a difficult and challenging thing to do) and to continue in that same vein. After all, they are what they are. Some people find their labels. Define them. Own them. Accept them. Understand them. Intimately know them. This is stage three. And then... Then they choose to find out what 'not being a mess is' ... or how to be normal... or rather how

I really like a song that Trace Adkins has out called Just Fishin'. I listen to it a lot. An understanding has been peeking through my memories and has caught me by surprise. When my dad would work on a wood project in the garage, inevitably he would call me to come out and hold the end of the board he was sawing so it wouldn't break wrong. My dad taught me how to fish-from the bank of a lake, where you have to sit still and be quiet because if you walk or talk your voice would put out vibrations that would startle the fish and walking would send vibrations through the ground and also startle the fish. He taught me how to bait a hook. My dad taught me how to hunt. How to shoot a rifle. Hot to scale and gut fish. How to skin a rabbit. How to string up, gut and skin a deer. As the final line of the song Just Fishin' , 'This ain’t about fishin’'; all of the 'man' things dad taught me weren't just about what he was teaching me. I learned much more than that.