Painful aka Full of Pain


Pain and joy seem to have a very deep connection. Sometimes within one life and sometimes bridging more than one life.

Within one life would be a mother and her child. Painful during pregnancy, childbirth and sometimes through the growing years and yet also so much joy!

Bridging more than one life... That is what I'm pondering now. I have been pondering this ever since my youngest child achieved/earned his Eagle scout award. As I recall the challenge was from the Bishop. Whoever earned theirs first would be taken to Ruby River for a steak dinner. The Bishop's son was one of those young scouts. My husband was not the Bishop. My son was the first of that group and received the steak dinner.

So much joy and righteous pride and yet...

The Bishop's son seemed to become less and less active in church. It's been about a decade that I've watched and caught glimpses here and there and what I am seeing feels... painful.

The Bishop's son was in my Ethics & Values class. I saw him two times a week for a whole semester. There's a lot of good in him and yet...

Today, Christmas day 2011, the Bishop's son came to Church. Cargo pants, white tennis shoes, tab-front striped shirt, longish scruffy hair and face. The Bishop was in the choir stand, singing with the choir. I felt pain for him. His son had his arm around his mother's shoulder. Obviously he loves his mom.

Sitting beside me is a Christmas gift from my son-the last of my Eagle's Nest. In this gift is so much joy. There, written is his testimony of our Savior and of the value and importance of following and listening to Him and His prophets and of believing in his parent's testimony.

Joy and pain. Pain and joy. They are so intertwined. Does the pain of seeing the Bishop's son intensify my joy in my youngest Eagle?

I think not. I think that because I was allowed to see these differences of choices and applications of moral agency I have a more acute awareness of the pain the Bishop's son has caused and because of eternal promises his parents entered and honor, the exquisite joy they will all feel when course corrections of applications in moral agency are made.

So for now, perhaps, I can be at peace and enjoy my Joy.

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