Not Just a Mom-MY Mom
Well-that's what a reader sent to Dr. Laura today, quoting the 'just a mom's' 3-year old son.
Of course that got me to thinkin'.
I'm in my fulfillment years which means a lot of different things. Like-if I didn't get a chance to do it as a young chick, or a young hen, I can now do it. Like go to college-I finally got to do it. Fulfillment stage also means the 'opportunity' to look back and either beat yourself up over the 'wouldda, couldda, shouldda' things or to be able to look back with no regrets (genuinely or out of prideful deceit).
Frankly, I know I was NOT a perfect mom-who in mortality is? You're not sure either, eh? Understandable. However, I have few regrets because each time a living prophet spoke and said do this, I strove to implement those changes. Now, don't get me wrong-right at first, being the prideful person I am, I would roll my eyes and go through the following internal conversation: 'One more thing; how do You expect me to do that; this is NOT fair-my mom never had to do this; this is NOT fair-my husband isn't pulling his share of the load...' You get the picture. Never been there? Well, if you're honest and true-your day is coming! Then the sweet, still, small Voice would say, 'You don't have to. You have moral agency. Do as you please.'
Well, okay, when You put it that way-that's all the chastisement I needed. I didn't want to end up being the kind of mom I had (just the good parts), so of COURSE I couldn't just keep doing what she had done and was doing. I knew what kind of children I wanted to send back to Father and to feel good about it-and what I was currently doing wasn't going to cut it. I would HAVE to repent and the sooner the better. Dang it. Change. Stuff it Obama-change is not easy and it is not pleasant.
But I really wanted to know that my kids would be able to say, "Not Just a Mom-MY Mom". And I have. At least 2 of them have said it-not in so many words, true, but when they say they claim me as their mom, when they say they got into fights with other kids (not that I EVER condoned that) when the other kids would make ugly, mean, or snide comments about me-I know, I'm 'Not Just a Mom' I'm a 'MY Mom' to some.
This reminds me of another, joint thought. My parents taught (for their own future needs perhaps) about how critical it is to respect your elders. I find the scriptures replete with this:
The first one made so much more sense when I learned in Seminary (and yes, the teacher had to spell it out-I'm not so bright that I put it together on my own), that this earth will be our Celestial Kingdom when She receives her paradisaical glory. For your days to be 'long upon the land' implies-eternally.
The second one is a warning for our day. If we as parents do not teach our children to respect us and other adults, we will all be a fulfillment of this prophecy. You ever watched or heard of children who are sassy with parents and adults? Don't you just want to smack them? Forget it-that teaches them it's okay to hit and use physical violence. You have to work with them when they're young and work gently at the roots. They need to learn to address you and all adults properly and to shut up and listen (even if they don't agree) when an adult speaks.
This leads into another favorite song of mine that teaches about not having regrets and it has a LOT of good advice.
Everybody's Free by Baz Luhrmann
Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99 Wear Sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh never mind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you imagine.
Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing everyday that scares you.
Sing.
Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss.
Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.
Remember compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch.
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.
Get plenty of calcium.
Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.
Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.
Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.. Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room. Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them. Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings; they're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and
lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.
Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth. But trust me on the sunscreen…
Other helpful scriptures to understand the concept of respecting elders:
Froward from the Bible Dictionary means perverse and from The Free Dictionary by Farlex (online) it means 'stubbornly contrary and disobedient; obstinate'. Mulish means stubborn or obstinate. Pigheaded means obstinate or stupid. These are included-just in case you were having a hard time understanding froward.
Why worry about your parenting skills? Read that second one from D&C 68:25. We, each of us, will have to stand at the judgment bar of God and we won't be able to say, 'but my spouse...', 'but my parents...', 'but...'; for He will look into our soul through our eyes and say, everyone has only one butt-and you may not rest upon it when it comes to the sacred things of eternity-families.
Of course that got me to thinkin'.
I'm in my fulfillment years which means a lot of different things. Like-if I didn't get a chance to do it as a young chick, or a young hen, I can now do it. Like go to college-I finally got to do it. Fulfillment stage also means the 'opportunity' to look back and either beat yourself up over the 'wouldda, couldda, shouldda' things or to be able to look back with no regrets (genuinely or out of prideful deceit).
Frankly, I know I was NOT a perfect mom-who in mortality is? You're not sure either, eh? Understandable. However, I have few regrets because each time a living prophet spoke and said do this, I strove to implement those changes. Now, don't get me wrong-right at first, being the prideful person I am, I would roll my eyes and go through the following internal conversation: 'One more thing; how do You expect me to do that; this is NOT fair-my mom never had to do this; this is NOT fair-my husband isn't pulling his share of the load...' You get the picture. Never been there? Well, if you're honest and true-your day is coming! Then the sweet, still, small Voice would say, 'You don't have to. You have moral agency. Do as you please.'
Well, okay, when You put it that way-that's all the chastisement I needed. I didn't want to end up being the kind of mom I had (just the good parts), so of COURSE I couldn't just keep doing what she had done and was doing. I knew what kind of children I wanted to send back to Father and to feel good about it-and what I was currently doing wasn't going to cut it. I would HAVE to repent and the sooner the better. Dang it. Change. Stuff it Obama-change is not easy and it is not pleasant.
But I really wanted to know that my kids would be able to say, "Not Just a Mom-MY Mom". And I have. At least 2 of them have said it-not in so many words, true, but when they say they claim me as their mom, when they say they got into fights with other kids (not that I EVER condoned that) when the other kids would make ugly, mean, or snide comments about me-I know, I'm 'Not Just a Mom' I'm a 'MY Mom' to some.
This reminds me of another, joint thought. My parents taught (for their own future needs perhaps) about how critical it is to respect your elders. I find the scriptures replete with this:
- Honor thy father and thy mother, that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee. (Book of Mormon | Mosiah 13:20)
- And the people shall be oppressed, every one by another, and every one by his neighbour: the child shall behave himself proudly against the ancient, and the base against the honourable. (Old Testament | Isaiah 3:5)
The first one made so much more sense when I learned in Seminary (and yes, the teacher had to spell it out-I'm not so bright that I put it together on my own), that this earth will be our Celestial Kingdom when She receives her paradisaical glory. For your days to be 'long upon the land' implies-eternally.
The second one is a warning for our day. If we as parents do not teach our children to respect us and other adults, we will all be a fulfillment of this prophecy. You ever watched or heard of children who are sassy with parents and adults? Don't you just want to smack them? Forget it-that teaches them it's okay to hit and use physical violence. You have to work with them when they're young and work gently at the roots. They need to learn to address you and all adults properly and to shut up and listen (even if they don't agree) when an adult speaks.
This leads into another favorite song of mine that teaches about not having regrets and it has a LOT of good advice.
Everybody's Free by Baz Luhrmann
Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99 Wear Sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh never mind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you imagine.
Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing everyday that scares you.
Sing.
Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.
Floss.
Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.
Remember compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch.
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.
Get plenty of calcium.
Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.
Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.
Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.. Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room. Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them. Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings; they're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and
lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.
Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth. But trust me on the sunscreen…
Other helpful scriptures to understand the concept of respecting elders:
- And he said, I will hide my face from them, I will see what their end shall be: for they are a very froward generation, children in whom is no faith. (Old Testament | Deuteronomy 32:20)
- And again, inasmuch as parents have children in Zion, or in any of her stakes which are organized, that teach them not to understand the doctrine of repentance, faith in Christ the Son of the living God, and of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of the hands, when eight years old, the sin be upon the heads of the parents. (Doctrine and Covenants | Section 68:25)
Froward from the Bible Dictionary means perverse and from The Free Dictionary by Farlex (online) it means 'stubbornly contrary and disobedient; obstinate'. Mulish means stubborn or obstinate. Pigheaded means obstinate or stupid. These are included-just in case you were having a hard time understanding froward.
Why worry about your parenting skills? Read that second one from D&C 68:25. We, each of us, will have to stand at the judgment bar of God and we won't be able to say, 'but my spouse...', 'but my parents...', 'but...'; for He will look into our soul through our eyes and say, everyone has only one butt-and you may not rest upon it when it comes to the sacred things of eternity-families.
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