Attitudes and Triggers
What is This Trigger You Speak Of?
Triggers and trigger fingers are interesting in their own rights. Triggers are easy to pull and when you're the only one who can be in control of said pulling, then, they're great things.
Trigger fingers are one of the most well developed appendages of the body. You use them for everything all the time. Writing, pushing buttons, musical instruments, working, keyboards, pulling weeds, etc., etc. Don't even have to think about telling that little finger how to accomplish these things. You think of doing it, and that poor little appendage just obeys and does. Kind of a nice set up.
What if the trigger is a word? Connected to a memory? Perhaps a memory shared by others. To you it may bring back fond memories of earlier days, days gone by; but to another it may bring back memories of an imperfection or perhaps you were too young to know better and therefore is a painful memory.
Attitude About Triggers
For the longest time for me every time I heard an ambulance siren I would get sick to my stomach, my brain seemed to come disconnected, I'd feel the fight/flight response throughout my system and I'd just have my own personal come-apart party. For a long time it was really hard for me to deal with.
Ownership Of Triggers
I knew what it stemmed from. I knew when ambulance sirens and flashing lights caused a great shift in my life. It was a life changing event. No longer did I need to make that pound of hamburger feed six, it only needed to feed five. No longer did I set the table for six, I now set it for five. No longer did I wash and rinse my little brothers clothes in the wringer-washer and hang them on the lines to dry, then take them down, fold them, and tell him his pile of clothes were ready for him to put away. Made dish washing easier too. One less plate. One less fork. One less. One less in the family.
So I learned to walk through all the avenues I could think of how this had effected my life. But still sirens triggered me.
Embrace Your Triggers
I began, after well over a decade to look at the whole scenario through a different perspective. At this point, enough events had come to pass that it was more clear to me how this event had shaped and changed my life. I could then use the 'what if' perspective. Now this may not apply to every trigger, but it did to mine, for this particular event.
What if this didn't happen? What if he didn't get hit by a car? Would that mean Elaine would never have offered to share the Gospel with our family? Without the car accident (a 2"x4" board in my reckoning) would my parent's hearts be soft enough to be willing to listen? I found out years later the answer to that last one when mom said that the missionaries had knocked on our door five or six years earlier but she rejected their invitation because we (she and I) were studying with the Jehovah's Witnesses.
My next series of questions ran along the road of what was I to learn from all of this triggering stuff. I think I have an inkling now.
We all have triggers of one sort or another and we all have to learn to deal with them or they will own us and we will be at their mercy, at their beckon call.
Acceptance
In questioning the event I came to accept that it was meant to happen and that it was okay. In questioning other events in my life that are triggers for me I've come to accept that I was a child and had no power (implied, taught, strength, awareness, knowledge) to keep assaults from happening. Thankfully these things are covered by the Atonement-if I let them be.
When I was a child I thought as a child, I spoke as a child, I reasoned as a child, I understood as a child, I behaved as a child. Now I have transitioned to an adult. The more I can own, embrace and accept my past and that it has helped me get to the understanding and experience I now have in my adulthood-self-my past is what helps me be a better me, then the less I'm triggered.
Do I hear sirens still? Yes, yes I do. Do I get queasy and zone out/disconnect? Not any more. Has this transition taken time? Yes, yes it has. And yes, you can get over triggers and not let them own you, or embrace you and this state of being comes through acceptance. Acceptance that it is part of you and part of what has made you a better person-IF you let yourself learn the blessing in your life that it truly is. This is part of what the Atonement does-helps you accept the blessing the event behind the trigger truly is.
Do I have more triggers to work on? Yes, yes I do. I had a dark haired male who was in authority over me yell at the top of his lungs, spittle flying, veins in the throat and forehead popping when I was the innocent in the event and it brought back a lot of memories of being beat silly by my dad.
Where's my safety net? For now, I pack and carry and know how to use it and one of these days when I can see the blessing in this most recent event, I will own, embrace and accept this, again, through the Atonement. But for now, I pack and carry.
I think it's time to go plinking!
Try to look at yourself through the Savior's eyes, you'll love what you see!
Triggers and trigger fingers are interesting in their own rights. Triggers are easy to pull and when you're the only one who can be in control of said pulling, then, they're great things.
Trigger fingers are one of the most well developed appendages of the body. You use them for everything all the time. Writing, pushing buttons, musical instruments, working, keyboards, pulling weeds, etc., etc. Don't even have to think about telling that little finger how to accomplish these things. You think of doing it, and that poor little appendage just obeys and does. Kind of a nice set up.
What if the trigger is a word? Connected to a memory? Perhaps a memory shared by others. To you it may bring back fond memories of earlier days, days gone by; but to another it may bring back memories of an imperfection or perhaps you were too young to know better and therefore is a painful memory.
Attitude About Triggers
For the longest time for me every time I heard an ambulance siren I would get sick to my stomach, my brain seemed to come disconnected, I'd feel the fight/flight response throughout my system and I'd just have my own personal come-apart party. For a long time it was really hard for me to deal with.
Ownership Of Triggers
I knew what it stemmed from. I knew when ambulance sirens and flashing lights caused a great shift in my life. It was a life changing event. No longer did I need to make that pound of hamburger feed six, it only needed to feed five. No longer did I set the table for six, I now set it for five. No longer did I wash and rinse my little brothers clothes in the wringer-washer and hang them on the lines to dry, then take them down, fold them, and tell him his pile of clothes were ready for him to put away. Made dish washing easier too. One less plate. One less fork. One less. One less in the family.
So I learned to walk through all the avenues I could think of how this had effected my life. But still sirens triggered me.
Embrace Your Triggers
I began, after well over a decade to look at the whole scenario through a different perspective. At this point, enough events had come to pass that it was more clear to me how this event had shaped and changed my life. I could then use the 'what if' perspective. Now this may not apply to every trigger, but it did to mine, for this particular event.
What if this didn't happen? What if he didn't get hit by a car? Would that mean Elaine would never have offered to share the Gospel with our family? Without the car accident (a 2"x4" board in my reckoning) would my parent's hearts be soft enough to be willing to listen? I found out years later the answer to that last one when mom said that the missionaries had knocked on our door five or six years earlier but she rejected their invitation because we (she and I) were studying with the Jehovah's Witnesses.
My next series of questions ran along the road of what was I to learn from all of this triggering stuff. I think I have an inkling now.
We all have triggers of one sort or another and we all have to learn to deal with them or they will own us and we will be at their mercy, at their beckon call.
Acceptance
In questioning the event I came to accept that it was meant to happen and that it was okay. In questioning other events in my life that are triggers for me I've come to accept that I was a child and had no power (implied, taught, strength, awareness, knowledge) to keep assaults from happening. Thankfully these things are covered by the Atonement-if I let them be.
When I was a child I thought as a child, I spoke as a child, I reasoned as a child, I understood as a child, I behaved as a child. Now I have transitioned to an adult. The more I can own, embrace and accept my past and that it has helped me get to the understanding and experience I now have in my adulthood-self-my past is what helps me be a better me, then the less I'm triggered.
Do I hear sirens still? Yes, yes I do. Do I get queasy and zone out/disconnect? Not any more. Has this transition taken time? Yes, yes it has. And yes, you can get over triggers and not let them own you, or embrace you and this state of being comes through acceptance. Acceptance that it is part of you and part of what has made you a better person-IF you let yourself learn the blessing in your life that it truly is. This is part of what the Atonement does-helps you accept the blessing the event behind the trigger truly is.
Do I have more triggers to work on? Yes, yes I do. I had a dark haired male who was in authority over me yell at the top of his lungs, spittle flying, veins in the throat and forehead popping when I was the innocent in the event and it brought back a lot of memories of being beat silly by my dad.
Where's my safety net? For now, I pack and carry and know how to use it and one of these days when I can see the blessing in this most recent event, I will own, embrace and accept this, again, through the Atonement. But for now, I pack and carry.
I think it's time to go plinking!
Try to look at yourself through the Savior's eyes, you'll love what you see!
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