More for Her Than I

Her vehicle sustained some damage. You'd think with how much and where the damage is, it would be obvious that she should have seen us. But evidently not. Which leads to the next question, why didn't she get a ticket when she was going around a curve, through an intersection, in heavy traffic (all of which according to the speed laws in the Utah Drivers Handbook say you HAVE slow down to do)? She was, according to both her insurance and ours, found 30% at fault.

It's obvious from the damage we incurred that she hit us pretty hard. It spun our car 180 degrees. My tire is popped and sits at an angle to my car. Debris from my car was found in the road. Undercarriage structure was broken. That's the rear passenger door and tire she hit-so quite a bit of me was showing and past her range when she slammed into me-yet for her rate of speed she didn't see me.

I was found 70% at fault-according to Utah laws, because I was making a left turn across her path to travel-outside the 'normal' flow of traffic-on the shoulder of the road. It was my responsibility to yield to her-even though I couldn't see her through the heavy traffic (doesn't that mean she couldn't see me either and so she also should have slowed?), even though I was trying to go slow and be cautious (because I couldn't see through the cars blocking my view of the shoulder of the curve of the road), even though the traffic that she was driving on the shoulder to get around had stopped to keep the intersection clear and thereby let me through...

She told my insurance adjuster and her insurance adjuster that she was going to make a right turn in that intersection where I was turning into. Right there. At the top of a curbbed, grass-covered, landscaped, east end of an island. An island that is designed to let right turns through at the bottom-west end of it. There's NO WAY she could have turned there at the rate she had to have been going to hit us and spin us 180 degrees. Not at the top of that island, not coming from the west. No way. For her to turn at that angle, she would had to have slowed down a whole lot more than she was going.

She lied. She lied to herself and to everyone else. Poor thing. I am sorry for her. Obviously she was intending to cruise through that intersection to either the next or the one after that. Again, according to the Utah Driver's Handbook she must slow her speed through an intersection (or through two or three of them), in heavy traffic (two lanes stopped to leave an intersection open, during rush hour-doesn't that qualify as heavy traffic?), on a curve (right there where Main St., AF transitions from State St.), and any time you cannot see clearly (I'm fairly certain in her mind I darted out in front of her-but doesn't that translate into 'she could not see clearly' through the other vehicles in the heavy traffic?).

I keep trying to understand what I'm supposed to learn from experiences. That's my way, well, at least one of them, that I use to weed out wrong behaviors. Wrong from the Ten Commandments perspective. It's worked well I think, because I have made a lot of changes through the years, most of those changes, I hope, are for the better.

So why did I not feel the Spirit say 'don't turn left there!', why did I not feel the Spirit say, 'go to the AF Temple through Lehi Main St.' or, 'Go to the Provo Temple'?

Why did I turn left, being all kinds of cautious, slowly edging forward trying to see where I could not see?

When the adjuster called I told him the truth. I wasn't distracted, I was turning left, the traffic stopped to keep the intersection clear, the driver in the outside westbound lane waved me on... When the assessor (of my damaged vehicle) called I told him the truth. The fin and trunk lid damage were pre-existing.

I've accepted responsibility for my part. Utah law says that I was at fault because I was making a left turn and if I couldn't see what was coming at me, then it wasn't safe for me to stick my nose out there. I now call this a 'sucker's hole'. Looks like it might be safe and okay to do, but that ain't so. My claims adjuster called it a 'reasonable mistake'. Perhaps. But it's still a 'sucker's hole'.

I've prayed she'd forgive me. I've prayed my remorse at wasting everyone's time. I've prayed my apologies for the financial expense and drain on AF City's budget, on our budget and on her budget.

So what's left? Why is this still bothering me? So what was all this for anyway?

There are two possibilities of why this is a blessing. One is that this was an opportunity for me to prove, to myself, that even if it's embarassing and all my fault, I will still stand for truth at all times, in all places, no matter what.

Two is that, this was another fulfillment of my patriarchal blessing. I was promised that 'the power of God will be made manifest in you.' Simply put, I recall multiple times when my parents lied because that was the thing to do to protect their pride, their resources, etc. Having been raised in that environment, the natural man in me wants to just do what I was taught by example; even though I know from teachings of truth-which is the power of God-I know, following the natural man is not acceptable.

That's the whys. The results? I can sleep at night. I have no further shame. I didn't cheat the system. I didn't lie. I paid my debt. I am remain clean.