"We Came To Visit Because We WANTED To See You"

Well, that's what they said when they showed up. That kind of thing always takes me by surprise. To be wanted. To be loved. To be sought after. To be cared about. We get it from a few different angles, but yet when it happens, it always takes me by surprise.

We don't try to impose sanctions and requirements and yet, they 'want' to come. 'Want' to visit. 'Want' to be around us.

That's the way we have always 'wanted' it to be-for them to grow up that way. We can't play the money game of buying their love-we don't have enough money to do that. We can't play the 'I'm gonna die soon' game (thank heavens!), so that isn't an option. And we won't play the mind games that may or may not work with controlling others. So we're left to drift with the wind and let the heartstrings do their thing.

Dove is up at the Stake building setting up for Youth session of Stake Conference so I'm home in a very quiet house-for the first time in a long lot of years. What did I want to 'busy my mind' while I ate a leftover from our Friday night date? The Ensign. The May Ensign. I've listened to some of the talks in the morning when I've been dressing, but reading them is better, in that I can pause and ponder and check out other thoughts that are triggered as the words come into my mind and heart.

Elder Pearson quoted from the Bible Dictionary (which Dove and I did read through for our scripture study a couple years ago-but like the Book of Mormon and most scriptures-a one time reading is NEVER enough) "Strong faith is developed by obedience to the gospel of Jesus Christ." Okay-I know that I have strong faith. It says so in my Patriarchal Blessing. "You shall be blessed with a deep and abiding faith in your Heavenly Father. This will be another of your gifts..." Since I had only been a member for a year when I received that at age 17, I would have to suppose this gift was based on pre-existence obedience to the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Elder Pearson then quotes Elder Bruce R. McConkie, "Faith is a gift of God bestowed as a reward for personal righteousness." That one caught me off guard. I don't see myself as a person who exhibits all that much righteousness-I see too many of my faults and know me perhaps better than is comfortable. But he did say that faith is a gift of God and that does agree with my Patriarchal Blessing.

What's my point? I don't know. Really I don't. Maybe I'm not as bad as I sometimes think. Maybe fasting for adult children is a way of showing trust, faith and love in the child and in Father, that things will work out or be worked out correctly.

I cannot and should not control others-I can only (sometimes) and should only strive to control myself. Hence, I hit the brakes today on the freeway returning from a family gathering because the guy in front of me decided to play his youthful games. I cannot control others-only myself.

Either way, I so look forward to the day when this part of my blessing is fulfilled, "The day will come when, after you have completed your mission and have progressed to the point that is necessary,... ...and shall live, with your family, and Heavenly Father in His Kingdom." And I SO look forward to visits from children... Even when it rearranges my schedule.

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