Familial Research and Development

Pain and joy seem to have a very deep connection. Sometimes within one life and sometimes bridging more than one life. Within one life would be a mother and her child. Painful during pregnancy, childbirth and sometimes through the growing years and yet also so much joy! Bridging more than one life... That is what I'm pondering now. I have been pondering this ever since my youngest child achieved/earned his Eagle scout award. As I recall the challenge was from the Bishop. Whoever earned theirs first would be taken to Ruby River for a steak dinner. The Bishop's son was one of those young scouts. My husband was not the Bishop. My son was the first of that group and received the steak dinner. So much joy and righteous pride and yet... The Bishop's son seemed to become less and less active in church. It's been about a decade that I've watched and caught glimpses here and there and what I am seeing feels... painful. The Bishop's son was in my Ethics & Values class...

That's what he said. He was pacing. Rambling. Thinking out loud. Reaching. Reaching for help, for understanding. He was at a transitional point and knew it. He also knew that right there was something/someone/some understanding just beyond his reach which could help him be less messy. Well, that's what he said, 'I'm a mess'. We are what we are. This is stage one. Or are we? Then he went on with a list of labels... bipolar manic depressive (that one he fumbled around with) ADD/ADHD OCD This is stage two-finding our labels. Some people use labels to hide behind. It becomes their excuse to accept themselves as they are (a difficult and challenging thing to do) and to continue in that same vein. After all, they are what they are. Some people find their labels. Define them. Own them. Accept them. Understand them. Intimately know them. This is stage three. And then... Then they choose to find out what 'not being a mess is' ... or how to be normal... or rather how ...

I really like a song that Trace Adkins has out called Just Fishin'. I listen to it a lot. An understanding has been peeking through my memories and has caught me by surprise. When my dad would work on a wood project in the garage, inevitably he would call me to come out and hold the end of the board he was sawing so it wouldn't break wrong. My dad taught me how to fish-from the bank of a lake, where you have to sit still and be quiet because if you walk or talk your voice would put out vibrations that would startle the fish and walking would send vibrations through the ground and also startle the fish. He taught me how to bait a hook. My dad taught me how to hunt. How to shoot a rifle. Hot to scale and gut fish. How to skin a rabbit. How to string up, gut and skin a deer. As the final line of the song Just Fishin' , 'This ain’t about fishin’'; all of the 'man' things dad taught me weren't just about what he was teaching me. I learned much more than that....

Alma 5: 22-23 "...Behold, here are six onties of silver, and all these will I give thee if thou wilt deny the existence of a Supreme Being. Now Amulek said: O thou child of hell, why tempt ye me? Knowest thou that the righteous yieldeth to no such temptations ?" Words. Just say words, even if you don't believe the words you're saying, even if you know they aren't true and you can get gain, money, societal stature, have those worldly things that are available to those who rely on the arm of flesh. Evidently, if you not only believe your words of testimony, then you have placed a value on them. Apparently that value then is also recognized and accepted by Heaven and Heaven is ultimately what defines the word righteous.

The drive home from work was 33% longer than normal. Quick dinner. Boomerang back north to enjoy participating in baptisms at the Temple doing Family File names. One of the witnesses is a business associate. He says to me, "This is a long drive for you." To which I respond, "It is a very small sacrifice." For thirteen years David has worked for USWest/Qwest/CenturyLink. It has been their policy, for his department, to work one weekend a month. That's fair. It is a 24/7 department, so it is fair. Also, when you work weekends the pay-rate has a differential factor-so it really is fair. For twelve and a half years David has been able to trade away his weekends and worked midweek days for those who took his weekends. Then he was released from his Stake calling that he's had for nearly 22 years. Now when he puts weekends out-no one takes him up on them-differential rate or not. So, slowly he's stopped caring about trying to trade them away. Having worked in t...

And now it came to pass that America was conferred upon Obama; therefore Obama began to reign; and he did NOT walk in the ways of our founding fathers. For behold, he did not salute the American flag unless he felt like it, but did walk after the desires of his own heart… Using Air Force One to take his wife to lunch in Paris; using a privatized Greyhound size campaign bus to haul the dog around on a campaign tour; hiring expensive staff to make sure his 'for this world only' wife always looks beautiful. And he did cause this people of America to commit sin, and do that which was abominable in the sight of the Lord. Yea, they did commit whoredoms and all manner of wickedness. Even that of condoning same sex marriage; illegal aliens to take from the tax system and all manner of evils. And he laid a tax of one fifth part of all they possessed, a fifth part of their gold and of their silver, and a fifth part of their ziff, and of their copper, and of their brass and their iron; an...

Sometimes you are put in situations that are very difficult to deal with. Which way do you choose? One way or the other you lose. Danged if you do, danged if you don't. Rarely are people able to choose and have it all. Very rarely. It was the hardest thing for me to deal with when Jacob went off to Iraq. I couldn't go to see him off because of obligations at home and I couldn't go to see him return for the same reasons. Same thing happened when he deployed to Afghanistan. So hard. I had a heavy heart and countenance for days each time. Wanting to go, to be there yet not being able to. We did eventually get to go visit him after his last return and deployment and again before he finished his active duty. Wasn't quite what I wanted but, it was the way it had to be. The foster parenting chapter of our lives closed, college graduation finally behind and at a job long enough to have sufficient vacation in place and so I got to go welcome home our sailor. What a feeling of re...

My favorite sister went to the Temple this past week. The Manti Temple. The same one that Uncle Vic and Aunt Piney went to. The same one Janele and her hubby were married/sealed in. I don't know if she realizes how special that Temple is to us. My sis has been through some very ugly things in life. Oh, she was never beat or belittled by her husband. She doesn't have one. She was never ridiculed for her mothering skills by other 'more adept' mothers. She never had or raised children. She never won 'yard of the week' from any community because she doesn't own a home. She does own a trailer house, but it's on borrowed property. She's had health/medical challenges. Plenty of them. And due to some things from her childhood, she's had developmental issues as well. A doctor once said of her when she was nearing 21, "She's 21 going on 14." In other words, developmentally she's more like a 14 year old. No wonder it's taken her over 3...

It's time to go to work America--at taking our country back with all of it's heretofore attitudes of pulling yourself up by the bootstraps-not letting the government buy you high-end tennies and put processed foods in your mouth. IF Obama is re-elected, then we deserve what we get. All of us . The entitled (for obvious reasons-they like the free handouts and having been living with the ‘poor-me’ attitude for so long-I also call it the Satan-“Let me take care of you” attitude) and the conservatives/tea party peoples alike. Why the conservatives? Because too many of us have gotten so soft in saying, “Maybe we should let the government do more for the less fortunate-it seems to be what ‘they’ (the illusive ‘they’) want.” Wake up people. God is watching us. He is over all. If He is so perfect-why hasn’t He done it all for us? Check the scriptures. Nowhere has He done this. The closest it came was the 40 years in the wilderness when He fed His children manna and quail. That was an e...

For the past 38 years I've tried to sort out a few things about my relationship with this man I've married. I love and adore him about 97% of the time. Well, maybe more like 98% of the time. But every once in a while... Well, if you've been married for very long, you probably understand that one pretty well. So the one thing that I really am saddest about is a behavior I see him use every time he is stressed/stretched to his limit and trying to deal with children. The same behavior/responses I've seen his parents use with his younger siblings. So I suppose that he learned the action/response/behavior from them. What's saddest for me is that it doesn't seem to bother him--or at least not enough to change it, so he keeps using the behavior. For a LONG time I have worked at not behaving and reacting the way I remember my parents having disciplined me. In fact, people who have first met my parents and then met me can't believe I'm from the same family. I tak...

The older I get the younger they look. So I was looking around today and had a goofy thought come to me. (I know, I know. That's always a dangerous thing to have happen.) They may look at me and think, "Ugh! Old!" Whereas I look at them and think, "One of these days, you may count yourself as lucky to be 'old'!" Perspective. That's what constitutes old or young. When in yourself, looking through your eyes at the mirror when do you first see 'old'. As long as you're looking only at your pupils, you may not even notice that you have become old. Is it that first gray hair? When you are 18 and wanting to be mature, hating being considered so young, looking for wisdom, light and truth and finding a gray hair what's your thought? Dye it? No, it's more, 'bring it on!' Is old bad? Again the answer is perspective. If old is being no longer pliable or believing you have all the answers and all the truth, then yes, old is bad. If old...

We are on vacation. Yes, yes... there are those: Where is... I can't find... I think we were supposed to turn back there... I was sure I put it... Are we there yet? (lots of those) Are we lost? I don't want to be lost. We're on an adventure... What exactly is the purpose behind a vacation? I thought it was a combination of things like: 1) it was to re-create or rather refill your empty "me" with fun stuff-lots of it! 2) to see and learn about stuff you've always wanted to see and always wanted to learn about. 3) To visit family and sometimes be reminded of why you love them most when they're farther away and for some family it's the salve to a lament of wish we lived closer so we could help with little things like: a) chores b) errands c) big things (like replacing the electric box and circuit breakers) I guess I could complain that it just isn't fair while we're on vacation. I guess I could say how dare she ask we spend o...

Yeah, I think I do. I have recently heard a beautiful young lady say that 'stuff' she 'learned' in other classes makes more sense since she took her last class to complete her Bachelor Degree. I believe we 'learn' things in life as we go along. Some things we accept in hope and some in faith. One of those 'things' for me is that I started my family at an early age. I was 19 when child #1 was born and 29 when the last or caboose aka child #6 (9th pregnancy) was born. There were many, many times I felt a little cheated or maybe short-changed as I watched others-my peers-in life have some of 'that' which I thought I wanted. I wanted a college education. I wanted a house (before I had a family to fill it up). Things didn't happen that way. What came to me was the family first, then finally a house, and then finally an education. I believe that before we were born we had mortality guidance specialist counselors that helped us evaluate our mortal ...

You know you're getting older when the Arby's order taker processes your order, you pay, he hands you your receipt and you in your sharp mind KNOW he hasn't charged you right. You look at your receipt to add it up and see where the error is. He has given you a 'Seniors Discount' even though you don't 'qualify' for another SEVEN YEARS! That's a whole life time to a little kid! You know you're getting older when you see something off the side of a road under road construction and have a flashback memory to things you used to see on the road under construction. Flare pots. But then you don't remember what they're called! So you have to Google it! Well, evidently you're not getting too old-you have Google and you know how to use it!

I want to share some baptism experiences I’ve had. I was six months old when I was first baptized. My parents were Episcopalians. It is a common practice to baptize infants and babies. I’m not sure I felt much except wet with the sprinkle baptism. I may have felt some depth of appreciation that my parents were at least trying and reaching for Christianity. Notice I said I was baptized-I did not say I received baptism. Although I was not baptized in the Bible Church, I did attend Vacation Bible School at least two summers that I remember, and I went to Church on Sunday’s, though I don’t remember who gave me rides there. Maybe my parents went a few times. Some of my childhood summer highlights were when the Jehovah’s Witnesses would come and teach my mother and I their Gospel truths. I read the Watch Tower; Awake!; From Paradise Lost to Paradise Regained; and The New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures. These were things hard to grasp at my very young age (8-11 years), but they wer...

I heard this comment twice today. A dress-discount bought of course-that to my eyes is an okay green, but more sickly than not-the price and size was right and I've shrunk out of enough clothes I didn't have a lot of choice but to find something I could wear. So I wore 'that' dress today. Then while walking home from Church I pondered that repeated comment and realized that what they were saying and what I was hearing was really something different than what was going on. 'That color' looks good on me under this circumstance, when my skin has the summer tan and only then. When I have the winter 'sun-starved' skin color, 'that color' looks sickly on me. Good thing I've been using astazanthin-my skin is a healthy summer-color now! Without the summer sunburns! Hence 'that color' looks great on me or realistically, my skin color can now comfortably wear 'that color'!

Some people like the idea of having a picture perfect post stamp yard. Not only that, they expect their neighbors to have one too. 'Keeping up with the neighbors' is a thing of the past-you all have to have it perfectly equally perfect, aka the new status quo. When I first heard about 'gated-communities' and then later about HOA (Home Owner Association neighborhoods) I had to think about it, pretty long and pretty hard. Right off I didn't like the concept. Largely because it sounds 'snootish' to me. Back to that kindergarten, 'You can join my club but he can't.' It also sounds clickish. True, true, birds of a feather do flock together (and they deserve each other-pot stirrers and finger pointers)-that's clickish enough, yes, yes. However, an HOA or gated-community appears to be an elite level of clicks and snoots. Today as I pondered it deeper, two things happened. One I was reminded of a Montgomery Gentry song, "What Do You Think About ...

Picture of a Nativity statue in front of the Provo, UT Temple. Small factions of society say, "You cannot post the 10 Commandments in public places." "You cannot put up Nativity scenes during the holidays in or on government owned properties." "You cannot raise white crosses along the Interstate road system designating the demise of public servants." When will the rest of us who are god-fearing Christians stand up and say, "ENOUGH!" "SILENCE." Okay, so if we-the majority are going to be soooo tolerant as to let others kick us around, then can we at the very least, every church put up Nativity scenes? Can we, at the very least, post a billboard on Church property with at least one of the Ten Commandments and change it out every month or so? We are a Christian nation, i.e. a nation founded by Christian believing and practicing individuals. Really people, it's okay. Let's put our $ where our hearts are and get the ball moving on t...

I have always, as long as I remember, reached heavenward, pondered on my existence and its purpose and wanted to know-truly know God/Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ/His Son/Our Elder Brother and more recently, the Holy Ghost. As a child and young free-to-think and wage-earning teen, I wanted a crucifix. I didn't want a Christopher-I wanted a crucifix. Strange, I know. But when I had seen them and asked others about them the only parts of speech I heard and understood was: obedience to Christ; Love of Christ; Worship of the living Christ; sacrificial gift of Christ. So I bought one and wore it-relatively religiously. (Sacrifice) + (in obedience) = blessings (temporal, spiritual, and eternal) There was a returned missionary speaking in Sacrament meeting and had mentioned what some investigators would question having to 'give up' in Brazil where they start drinking coffee when they're just little tikes. This set me to pondering and reflecting, hence this blog post. It may be...

"And because of the righteousness of his people, Satan has no power: wherefore, he cannot be loosed for the space of many years; for he hath no power over the hearts of the people, for they dwell in righteousness..." 1 Nephi 22:26 I've wondered about that largely because I wonder and ponder on His second coming-what it will be like and how long it will last-but mostly what will be in the hearts of the people that they can and will be in such a state of peace. So I've boiled it down to two questions. What constitutes righteousness? A simple answer to that may be obedience. What then constitutes obedience? I'm so far from perfect and have little hope of really making it there so I wanna know what it takes to be righteous . Checking the Bible Dictionary it has a list of 'See also': equity, perfection, Standard of Righteousness , godliness, good works , holiness, honesty, integrity, judgment, sanctification, truth, uprightness, walking with God . So what is th...

Today is Mother's Day. My mom graduated from this life over 20 years ago. Do I miss her? Stupid question to ask. She was a mean mom-in all of her love, caring and sacrifice. Is it right or wrong to admonish, bully, or compel your children to do one thing or another? Or to not do something they really ought not to do? I don't know. Another stupid question. For example. Janele was only 2 and was climbing up onto the half-wall of the porch. On the porch side it was only a 3' drop. On the lawn side it was a 6' drop. I told her three times to get down. Wanting to let her have her agency I did not compel her to get down. The result? The most stupid and avoidable mistake of my young motherhood. She fell, on the wrong side and broke her little arm. Stupidity. Mine for not 'compelling' her to get down. I could have easily picked her up, taken her inside and got her interested in making lunch, playing with toys, etc. But me? I did the stupid thing and let her choose for h...

Dove has worked at several different private enterprises through his career of over 40 years. He's worked for companies that treat their employees like dirt and he's worked for some that treat them like an appreciating asset. I believe he can tell the difference. Where he's currently working he's treated like an appreciating dirty asset. There are lots of benefits and the pay is really great. The 'dirt' part is the requirement the company has to quantify and qualitate the employees work. This makes the employee feel a bit on the untrusted and unappreciated side. I see and accept how he feels-and agree he can have that attitude if he wants-it's his attitude. He does have a definite opinion and attitude about some of the co-workers which I whole-heartedly agree with. He's listened to them whine and complain about what benefits they think they ought to have and how they think things ought to be run. What Dove's then expressed is 'they're spoile...

I can you know. It's simple. Just get in, turn the key, start 'er up and drive away. There. Done. It all started last night. I put the pot roast in the crock pot. Dove boiled the noodles for me. I baked the cake. After work I cooked corn, made a salad, put the stroganoff sauce together, stringed the meat, put a border on the cake and filled the border with blueberry pie filling. Simple, huh! Yip. Tasty too. Good meal. It was easy, even though we're on a 500 calorie/day diet, to make the food and give it away. It would be easy to drop it off. Yes? Relatively. For crying out loud! She's a neighbor I've never met. Just 4 houses away. Her feeding tube came out this morning. She had to have it re-inserted. The meal was for her husband and two kids (looks like they may be early or pre-teens). She looked like a walking skeleton. She lives with this every minute of every day. Maybe they'll figure out what's wrong and be able to help her. Maybe. Maybe not. But I coul...